What Do You Believe?

The "back story" begins in more than one Baptist church; memorizing scriptures, vacation bible school, art projects, juice and cookies, and a swift dunk in the baptismal.  I remember being in the white robe and leaning back ... Coming up completely wet and very excited.  I was 6.  My family was so happy.

Seven years later I am comfortably worshipping in a little country Episcopal Church.  I have memorized The Lord's Prayer and have knelt down to pray on a small wooden stool; receiving weekly communion from a nice priest.  I have now been "confirmed " and very much enjoy the peaceful Sundays that follow.

In between these beautiful memories I became a special granddaughter of a Jewish couple.  I began to sit through numerous Passover Seders, lovingly lighting Hannukah candles, celebrating weekly Shabbat services and learning how to eat lox, herring, gefilte fish, latkes, and blintzes.  

Yep!  I'm pretty screwed up.  

At least everyone thinks I am.  But let me guide you through ...My story.

My religious story begins to turn when I was not allowed to be the president of my college's Hillel because I wasn't Jewish.  

(How they knew that is beyond me...)

 Wasn't Jewish?  Are you kidding me?  

I've been a part of an amazing Jewish family for 10 years!

  What? You have to be born Jewish?  What does that mean? What does that really mean?  Obviously I was now led to my rabbi at my synagogue.  My synagogue.

Maybe it's not My synagogue .

It's true.  I'm not Jewish. 

I'm not Jewish?  After the shear shock I begin to search for a church that I would "fit" in.  Searching for a church that loves Israel and the Jewish people like I do is not as easy as you would think.  So I'm back to the rabbi , my rabbi, with endless questions.  Several months later I am again going under the water just like I did at 6 years old... Only this time coming up soaking wet as a Jew.  Yes.  I've been baptized as a Baptist and I have immersed myself in the mikvah becoming a Jew.

The next 24 years include a wedding under the chupah,  a naming, a bris, a bat mitzvah, and a bar mitzvah. 

 I am happy here. But is this my Religion?

Now that the kids are grown I am beginning to feel something a little different.  I'm beginning to think that the paths available to us might be more numerous than I once thought.  

Why do we have to have a religion?  I absolutely agree that learning about G-d is  a natural consequence of seeing life and love opening before us . I have never questioned my belief in G-d.  But I do question how many different ways there are to follow him.  Of all the billions of people in this world how does one even dare to assume one religion is THE religion.?

I love the way the Native Americans felt about Mother Earth.  I love how Buddhism allows the tolerance of other religions.  The Four Noble Truths in Buddhism are something to study.  I love the new pope.  He is saying things that are changing people's lives. He is stimulating changes that are changing people's lives.  

I find myself thinking about the Ten Commandments.  I think about Jesus coming to Earth.  I had an argument with a dear Christian friend over whether Jesus would eat a pepperoni pizza.  There is NO WAY  he would eat a pepperoni pizza.  Jesus keeps Kosher.  He just does.  

I don't miss having a Christmas tree. But if I had one it would be the most beautiful tree... covered in beautiful glass ornaments and twinkling lights...I am absolutely certain I saw Santa and his sleigh when I was a little girl. I think the Hannukah menorah is so beautiful on all of the eight nights.  I love to eat the Rosca...and if I had the baby Jesus I would definitely bring tamales on February 2nd.   I love Luminarias...I am fascinated by rosaries...I can speak Yiddish like my mother-in-law... I can play Mah Johg with my girlfriends...

I have an idea.  When it comes to religion why don't we all just come together and share and hug and pray.  Why don't we just learn from each other and grow in our SPIRITS.  Let's light the candles of Peace; glowing and burning for righteousness and solidarity... Glowing and burning for love. And love. AND LOVE.

And let us all say SHALOM.

And let us all say AMEN.

I Think Too Much!!

I think that I think too much.

I'm thinking that the 3 pieces of rye toast with cream cheese is fabulous with coffee every day for breakfast.

I'm thinking that I don't like when my mom texts me... I'd rather her call me.

I'm thinking that Hipster Cocktail Party is the most awesome Pandora station.

I'm thinking that the expression,"When it rains it pours... Is very sad when you say it backwards...  "When you're poor it rains."

I'm thinking that I will never be able to read all the books that I want to.

I'm thinking that if I ever get to Florence I might not leave.

I'm thinking that one can have too many animals.

I'm thinking that wine is wonderful; but a winery might be better.

I'm wishing that my sister was with me.

I'm thinking that wearing cowboy boots is very sexy.

I'm thinking that if you've got it; you should flaunt it.

I'm thinking that Karaoke is very necessary.  Especially when you are feeling Tina Turner.

I'm thinking that crying is overrated.

I'm thinking that 20 extra pounds could be what keeps the wrinkles away.

I'm thinking that wearing glasses is extremely Double Agent.

I'm thinking that saying no to the potato chip is only going to bring on the madness.

I'm thinking that working with children is the only thing I ever want to do.

I'm thinking that green and yellow only look fabulous on a daffodil.

I'm thinking that if you want Mexican food you should come to El Paso.

I'm thinking that jeans and a tshirt is my uniform.

I'm thinking that when I'm feeling depressed... It's time for a French cooking class and lots of butter.

I'm thinking that I love all the seasons.

I'm thinking that I am my most beautiful when I'm in my pajamas.

I'm thinking that my Julie is a gift from the heavens.

I'm thinking that memorizing poetry might be the key to my heart.

I'm thinking that I might not always be able to do all the yard work.

I'm thinking that if your hair looks good you don't need makeup.

I'm thinking that being 48 is much better than being 49.

I'm thinking that when I'm 50 I might not believe it.

I'm thinking that when I'm 50 I might freak out.

How the Hell am I going to be 50???

I'm thinking that I don't need to worry about that yet.

I'm thinking that Amy Winehouse would be Julie and my's bff.

I'm thinking that I would look great in a Jimi Hendrix tshirt.

I'm thinking that I could live without TV.

But not MTV.

I'm thinking that my best times are still to come.

I'm thinking that roses are very hard to grow but will be such a blessing.

I'm thinking that guys that play guitar are mmmmmm... Good with their fingers.

I'm thinking that making beer would be crazy but amazing in a chemical way.

I'm thinking that having children has been my purpose on this Earth.

I'm thinking that my children are going to be the change that the World has been waiting for.

I'm thinking that is what every mom thinks.  Thank G-d we all love our children.

I'm thinking that I might think too much.  

I don't care.  I'm the thinkingest person I know...even when I'm asleep I'm deep in thought.  

What will I be thinking about tomorrow?  Truth is... Who knows and oh my gosh ....really?  

That's what you're thinking????

What are you thinking?????

White shirt...frozen garden.

I am wearing a white shirt today.  The new year brings about newness and the white shirt seems to be the most appropriate.  My sleeves are starched and I still roll them up because I am always too hot for crisp cuffs.  However, the rolled-up sleeves fit the mood that is forming on this New Year's Day.

I have decided not to reveal my resolutions.  I decided that I will keep each one a secret ;filled or unfulfilled.  Resolutions; coming face to face with the rolled-up sleeved white shirt.  

I was sinking in crisp snow last week...trekking through the familiar paths of Santa Fe and  I came upon a frozen garden.  I stood quietly, silently.  I listened to the far away sounds of birds and dogs and cars and LIFE and I realized that the still quiet state of this garden was deafening.  The stillness was louder Than my ears could tolerate.  

White silence.

I want to really listen this year.  I want to really feel this year.  I want to see the meaning; feel the meaning and roll up my sleeves and search for it.  

I can hardly read the morning paper anymore.  I can hardly watch the news...the world needs to be silent.  The world needs a white shirt.  If we could all sit in a frozen garden for a few moments and really feel the crisp air and see our breath ; crisp and white.

I don't think that it's a coincidence that the new year comes during winter.  We should evaluate and plan when the ground is frozen and we can see our breath.  

Faith and newness comes when the ground is frozen and our hearts are heavy.  We seek change when hope is at an unreachable distance.  Rolling up my sleeves tells my heart that I'm not ready to give up.  

I know that the winter will thaw.  I know that my resolutions will be considered.  But my sleeves will continue to be rolled-up.  My white shirt ready for what the new year may bring.  I take a lesson from my dear Isadore... Everyday is a blessing; every moment is a chance to stay on the path; even when it's frozen.

My Isadore is a beautiful white rooster that crows in the crisp morning; Mother Nature sending messages through her seasons and animals.  

Listen to the white silence.  

Listen to the rooster crow.

Roll up the sleeves of your white shirt.

Let your resolutions melt into the warmth of your heart in this moment of winter.  

And let the world find newness, see her crisp breath, listen to the silence that winter bestows so that the spring can push through and bring peace.

A new year. A new day.  A new perspective.  A new friend. A new song. 

A new... 

New Year ... Use Wisely.