Firsts and Lasts

Yesterday was my 48th birthday.  And as I consider how wonderful the day was I am met with bittersweet thoughts.  Two months have passed by since my precious grandmother  left this world to be whole and healthy again.  I think about her so often and all of our "firsts and lasts"; the first time she took me swimming, the first time we made plum jam, the first time she let me drink a coke.  

Then there are the lasts; the last time I spent the night with her, the last time I held her hand, the last time I told her I loved her.  The last time I saw my grandmother she told me how proud she was of me and my family and how much she loved me and she said she wasn't allowed to drink coke anymore.

After our last visit I got a letter in the mail from her.  It must have been delivered with the hands of an angel because I couldn't even read the address.  All that was clear was my name.  She thanked me for coming to see her and that she was looking forward to the next time.  That was my last letter from her.

Now I have been traveling that road of  " I should have gone to see her more often, I should have stayed longer every time I was there, I should have told her what she means to me..." and I can't .

Firsts and lasts have a way of following us in every area of our lives.  Ask yourself some firsts and lasts questions and your answers may amuse you, awaken you, and reveal to you what you have in your memories.  The first time you held your baby in your arms as a new parent, the first house you bought, the first time you met your in-laws.  Go back even further and think about your first day of school, your first best friend, your first kiss.  Your first love.

Hold those feelings and embrace them.  They are what has made you who you are and how you feel.

Now, think about your lasts; the last time you were in your old house, the last time you ate your grandmother's peach cobbler, the last time you rode a bicycle, the last time you told someone special you love them.

We only have today.  We hope for tomorrow and we hope for more time.  I want to make sure I notice the firsts and celebrate them because I will never know when the last is coming.  

I'm starting my new year off remembering my grandmother telling me about the first time she saw me.  And I am also remembering the last time I saw her.  I won't get another letter from her in this world but I am so thankful I kept so many that she sent me .  I have read them many times...not yet for the last time.